Resolution
by Amy494walker
Summary: Hotch made a promise last year. One he doesn't think he can keep. Set anywhere between 'Nameless, Faceless' and '100.' Hotch/Reid, PG. Angsty fluff. Oneshot. New Year's Eve fic.


**Title:** Resolution  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Not mine, no profit made  
><strong>Rating:<strong> K / PG  
><strong>Genre:<strong> Angst/Fluff  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Hotch/Reid  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Hotch made a promise last year. One he doesn't think he can keep. Set anywhere between 'Nameless, Faceless' and '100'.  
><strong>AN:**I am unaccustomed to writing anything but smut so I'm pretty nervous about this. Please forgive me if it sucks. BTW, I can't figure out if this is Angst, Fluff or a strange combination of the two. :P

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><p>Aaron Hotchner had many mistakes in his life. But the way he dealt with Foyet was undoubtedly the worst. It cost him his son and it cost him Spencer. True, the situation with Jack stung the most because he couldn't see him, couldn't be 100% certain that he was safe like he could Spencer. But he also couldn't go home at night knowing that his brilliant lover was waiting for him. He couldn't draw the necessary strength to face the things he did from the knowledge that he could spend his night warm and safe in the arms of the man he loved.<p>

He couldn't kiss Spencer on the new year like he promised he would.

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><p><em>"I've never made any new years resolutions, they're kind of pointless." Aaron said as he finished his coffee. He and Spencer where exiting the elevator heading up to the BAU. Spencer had just returned from Vegas after visiting his mother for the new year. Aaron had felt a little regret at being apart from him but he had spent the holiday with Jack and he knew that his reluctance to be apart was just because their relationship was so new. Aaron was still in the phase of wanting to be around him all the time. A phase he would never admit to because he felt it was more suited to a sixteen year old.<em>

_"I've never made one either. I've never actually celebrated it until this year. My mom had a period of lucidity last week and made me promise to go up." Spencer said with the small smile Aaron had learned graced his features whenever he spoke of his mother. One that Aaron found it impossible not to return._

_"Why not?" He asked, although he suspected he knew the answer._

_Spencer shrugged, "I never had any reason too. I just find it kind of silly celebrating changing your calender."_

_Closing the door to his office, which he had successfully steered Spencer into, Aaron walked up behind his lover and wrapped his arms around his waist. With his voice muffled by Spencer's longish hair he said, "It's not about the calender, it's about saying good bye to the last year and welcoming in the new one by doing something you enjoy. That's why people kiss at midnight."_

_Spence shrugged again but this time he was looking down, "Whatever, still sounds kinda silly."_

_After a moments pause, Aaron came to a decision, "Okay. This year, I'm making a resolution."_

_Spencer turned in his arms to face him, wrapped his own arms around Aaron and raised an eyebrow, "You just said it was pointless. That no-one ever keeps them."_

_"Well, I'm going to keep this one. Next year, I am going to kiss you at midnight and show you how important it is to usher in a new year.." Aaron said, and pressed his lips softly to Spencer's before pulling away for a moment, "..doing something you love." And kissed him again._

_Spencer hummed a content sound that made Aaron's heart flutter and tightened his hold around him. In return Aaron reached up and brushed his fingers through Spencer's hair, cupping the back of his head while deepening the kiss._

_After a few moments they moved away, breathless._

_"You promise?" Spence asked with a flush blooming his cheeks._

_Bringing his hand around from his hair to cup his cheek, Aaron whispered, "I promise." and smiled brightly at the man he was so quickly falling for._

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><p>That had been just under a year ago, before he knew the depth of his feelings for Spencer. Before Foyet. Before Aaron had been forced to push Spencer out of his life to keep him safe from the sadistic psychopath stalking him.<p>

Now here he was, standing on the roof of his apartment building with a scotch in hand, waiting for midnight to watch the fireworks from the display downtown. Aaron felt like the worst man in the world. Spencer hadn't cared about all that stuff before Aaron had convinced him it was important and now he had failed him. Just like he failed everybody.

A few small fireworks were set off from the park about a mile away and, looking at his watch, Aaron saw that there was 3 minutes left till midnight.

'Happy new year.' He thought bitterly raising his glass to swallow the drink down. He was interrupted though by a strange tapping sound outside the door leading to the roof. Putting down the glass and grabbing the sidearm he no longer went anywhere without, he waited until the person on the other side finally came out.

When he did, Aaron lowered his gun immediately. More accurately, he dropped his gun in shock.

"Spencer, what are you doing?" He said, moving to assist the man, who was out of breath and perspiring, fumbling with his crutches.

"Did you know the elevator is broken? And that this building is 20 stories high?" Spencer asked with a small, nervous smile on his face.

Aaron was stunned. Not only was he shocked but his chest was constricting painfully at the sight of Spencer. "Yes." He answered dumbly.

Pressing his lips into a thin smile Spencer said, "I didn't."

"Spence, what..?" Aaron was finding it hard to breath, he could feel his eyes prickling and wondered why this was happening now.

Spencer's smile disappeared and he looked nervously over the view, his face illuminated beautifully by a large firework. Aaron struggled to swallow the lump in his throat.

Sniffing, the other man looked back at Aaron and said, "Foyet's not here."

And that statement was just strange and random enough to reach Aaron through the fog he found himself in, "What?"

"He's not here," Spencer repeated, "He can't see us here. And .. and you promised."

A small hitch broke out of Aaron, his shoulders gave a small shudder as he realized why Spencer was here, now. But when his former lover stumbled forward to stand before him, when he reached up to brush his fingers lightly over Aaron's cheek and look deeply into his eyes, was when he lost it.

The tears he'd been holding back since Spencer arrived, the tears he'd been holding back all night, holding back since that night at the hospital when he'd ended their relationship, fell and Aaron closed his eyes in a feeble attempt to stop them. The thumb he felt brushing them away only made the rest fall harder. He had felt so cold these past 2 months since Foyet took his life from him. He had felt so alone and he couldn't count the number of times he'd laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and imagined Spencer in his arms, remembered his warmth, his smell. Feeling once again the touch he had so missed was almost too much to handle.

Finally opening his eyes, Aaron was met with warm, glistening golden orbs that said so much. They held so much emotion and love, even after Aaron had drawn away from him so suddenly. He thought, not for the first time, that he was undeserving of such devotion. The genius rested his forehead against Aaron's as he sobbed, still stroking his thumb against his cheek, erasing his tears.

"I don't care about ringing in the new year with something good, I don't need that," Spencer said softly, his voice almost a whisper, "But now, more than ever. You do."

And, as the fireworks flew up from the park in all their glory, signalling the arrival of midnight, Spencer moved his hand round to the back of Aaron's neck and just held it there. He wasn't urging Aaron to do anything, he was just giving him the option.

Without hesitation, Aaron surged forward and captured Spencer's lips with his own. He didn't have the strength to fight this anymore. He was so tired of pretending he didn't care. Spencer immediately moved forward, pressing their bodies close and kissing back passionately. He threaded his fingers through Aaron's short locks and pressed his tongue against swollen lips.

Aaron parted his lips and deepened this kiss eagerly. He tightened his arms around Spencer, clutching at his back, holding him close. Tears were still falling from his eyes but now they were tears of joy. The feeling of Spencer, his Spencer once again in his arms was more than he could take. In this moment he could imagine them being together again. Of keeping him by his side 24/7 and tearing Foyet apart with his bare hands if he dared so much as breath the same air as his Spencer. As his soul mate.

But he couldn't. No amount of personal misery could ever push him to endanger the man like that.

Spencer pulled back minutely from the kiss but Aaron couldn't bare for this to be over yet. He just knew what this was, a last kiss. A goodbye.

Instead of pulling away, Aaron pressed teary kisses to Spencer's cheeks, to his forehead, his eyes, his neck. Anywhere he could plant a kiss he did, "I love you. I love you. I love you." He said between each one.

"I love you too Aaron." Spencer said, crying himself now.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He continued, pressing one last, lingering kiss to Spencer's lips, savoring the taste just one more time, before trying to move as far back as he could. He needed to control himself, for Spencer's sake.

He was stopped however by a pair of delicate yet strong hands gripping his arms and pulling him back. Somewhere in the back of Aaron's mind he wondered if Spencer was trying to kill him. Just like that Aaron was back in warm arms and he didn't think he had the mental energy to leave.

"I understand, Aaron. I know why you pushed me away, I know why you left me." Spencer whispered, stroking the back of Aaron's head where it lay on his shoulder and kissing his neck.

Aaron winced at the choice of words, 'why you left me.' All the people in Spencer's life who have abandoned him and now Aaron could add himself to that list. Would he ever do anything right?

"He's taken everything Spence. I can't ... I ... I just can't." Aaron felt ashamed of the crack in his voice but he knew, even with everything, if there was one person on the earth he could show his vulnerabilities to, it was Spencer.

Spencer pulled sharply away from their embrace and at first, Aaron thought he had said something to upset him. Had he finally showed enough weakness to convince Spencer he wasn't the man he thought he was, that he wasn't worth all the trouble.

Instead of leaving or yelling, Spencer gripped Aaron's arms and he found himself met with eyes filled with protective fire.

"He's taken nothing, Aaron. Nothing." Spencer all but spat, seemingly angry at Aaron's defeat.

"But .. " He tried to argue only to be cut off.

"No. Jack is just, away. You're gonna see him again, he's not lost to you. And neither am I." The warm affection mingled with the raw sadness in Spencer's eyes threatened to undo Aaron.

"How can you forgive me for leaving you?" Aaron whispered, having lost all strength to manage more than that.

"I told you, I know. I know why you pushed me away, you're trying to keep me safe, I understand that." Spencer murmured as he pressed warm lips to Aaron's, littering him with kisses. "I know you still love me."

"I do." Aaron breathed, kissing back lovingly, "God, I do."

Spencer held the kiss, pressing close, before finally and reluctantly pulling back. Aaron looked at Spencer and for the first time in a long time, he felt a flutter of hope. Hope that they could be together again. But he couldn't let himself feel that until he was sure.

His question must have shone through his eyes because Spencer placed both hands on either side of his face, and said, "You're gonna find him, We're gonna find him. And everything will be okay. This?" he said, kissing Aaron again for a moment, "Is a promise. A resolution. Okay? We're not going to let him destroy us. You haven't lost me Aaron. I'm still here. I'm still yours. I probably always will be." Spencer finished, smiling a teary smile.

Aaron did something he hadn't done in a long time, something he thought he wouldn't do again. He smiled.

The smile widened as he pulled his former ..no, not former, his lover, into his arms and held him close.

Listening to the echo of fireworks, of car horns beeping, and whistles been blown resonating from the city below Aaron didn't think about everything that had gone wrong lately. He didn't think about what he had lost and he didn't think about how he had failed everyone he cared about.

Instead, taking strength from the warm body against him, Aaron let himself do something much more reckless. Much more dangerous.

He let himself hope.

End.


End file.
